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Conversations with My Other Voice

by Buick Audra

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  • Book/Magazine + Digital Album

    A collection of essays related to Buick Audra's album, Conversations with My Other Voice. The album is a memoir in songs, and these ten essays continue the stories outlined in the songs.

    Includes unlimited streaming of Conversations with My Other Voice via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Book/Magazine + Digital Album

    A collection of essays related to Buick Audra's album, Conversations with My Other Voice, plus the Tramp T (photo by Gregg Roth; design by Buick). Comes with a download of the new album - out September 23rd! All items will ship when the album is out.

    T sizes XS-3X!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Conversations with My Other Voice via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Book/Magazine + Digital Album

    A collection of essays related to Buick Audra's album, Conversations with My Other Voice, plus the Chair T. Comes with a download of the new album - out September 23rd! All items will ship when the album is out.

    T sizes XS-3X!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Conversations with My Other Voice via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $50 USD or more 

     

  • T-Shirt/Shirt + Digital Album

    Black t-shirt with white ink graphic of Buick Audra as the Tramp. Photo by Gregg Roth; design by Buick. Comes with a download of her new album, Conversations with My Other Voice - out September 23rd. Shirts will ship when the album is out.

    Available in sizes XS-3X!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Conversations with My Other Voice via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $25 USD

     

  • T-Shirt/Shirt + Digital Album

    Black t-shirt with white ink graphic of Buick Audra's chair. Comes with a download of her new album, Conversations with My Other Voice - out September 23rd. Shirts will ship when the album is out.

    Available in sizes XS-3X!

    Includes unlimited streaming of Conversations with My Other Voice via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    ships out within 3 days

      $25 USD or more 

     

  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
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  • Full Digital Discography

    Get all 9 Buick Audra releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Conversations with My Other Voice, Lullaby of Loathing, Maybe I'll Fly Instead, All My Failures, Brother Blue, Genevieve, Family Album, Singer, and 1 more. , and , .

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1.
The Melody 03:40
I think about the way I’ve been and where I went wrong it often comes back to you I never had the words but still I said too much and none of it sounded true I think about why I held on blind faith, or maybe just fear and what was my language trying for? and what did you never hear? I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh I won’t be there where your chapters end I won’t be there when your new ones start no, but I’m gonna write you the melody that’s gonna break your heart I’ve heard it said, the voice we get is based on our past and whether we championed ourselves I know that mine was bitter-won from coming in last not having anybody else I’ve heard the best writing lives on beyond the hand of its make but what if that’s true of what we give and even more, what we don’t take? I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh I won’t be there where your chapters end I won’t be there when your new ones start no, but I’m gonna write you the melody that’s gonna break your heart and that will have to do oh, I’ve nothing left to prove to you I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh I won’t be there where your chapters end I won’t be there when your new ones start no, but I’m gonna write you the melody that’s gonna break your heart yes, I’m gonna write you the melody that’s gonna break your heart gonna break your heart
2.
well, the good news flies and the bad news falls and profanities are beneath us all reveal nothing then cheer on demand take it all on the chin and get up when you can if you want to me laugh a little you can make a request want to cut me in half a little you can take what is left all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am so that I can be your pocket-sized friend fit into your hand so that I can be your pocket-sized friend fit into your hand if there were dictionaries between me and you we could navigate what we can’t get through I would tell you what really happened how the belts of this life were stretched out and then fastened if you want to me laugh a little you can make a request want to cut me in half a little you can take what is left all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am so that I can be your pocket-sized friend fit into your hand that I can be your pocket-sized friend and fit into your hand oh, I’ve been smaller than this at times oh, I’ve been softer than this and I’m still apologizing still apologizing to myself if you want to me laugh a little you can make a request want to cut me in half a little you can take what is left all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am so that I can be your pocket-sized friend fit into your hand so that I can be your pocket-sized friend fit into your hand
3.
I can’t take your calls and I can’t read your writing the snow outside just falls maybe I can, too I’m mad at myself (and a little bit at you) I let myself believe that you might really help with the pieces still unglued but did you hear me crying from way out there? did you know I was trying not to be scared? hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air but I do it anyway I do it anyway I do it anyway I had so much fight (in my old and angry life) I would have been crazy with a thing like this tonight I’d have torn us both apart but I have a kind of peace (even if this is the end) it’s a fragile kind of lacework that if I want to keep I have to take care of this heart but did you hear me crying from way out there? did you know I was trying not to be scared? hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air but I do it anyway I do it anyway did you hear me crying from way out there? did you know I was trying not to be scared? hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air but I do it anyway, I do it anyway
4.
I don’t believe it it’s the proverbial nonsense you want to tell me who you think I am why can’t you see it? I’m not so callous and caustic not that it’s on me to help you understand (you had the option to sit it out) see, it took so long to get up here then you break us down then you break us down when you know it took so long to get up here why’d you break us down? why’d you break us down? can you hear me from down here? long live the critics long live the fearful and faithful kill all the artists brave enough to stand and while you’re at it make sure you tear down the women make sure she knows she’s just a poseur and a tramp (you had the option to shut your mouth) see, it took so long to get up here then you break us down then you break us down when you know it took so long to get up here why’d you break us down? so you break us down? can you hear me from down here? in a whisper, my words make sense in a whisper, it’s not so tense so you break me down? so you break me down? when you know it took so long to get up here why’d you break me down? see, you break me down can you hear me from down here?
5.
Five 04:32
five years ago, tonight I was not a bride, but I loved you I loved you five years ago, today you hadn’t heard me say that I would be true but I think you knew and I laid down in a room with all the girls, so wide awake I remember thinking, “after this, well, nothing is the same” and baby, how about you? do the miles of road ever get old? are you ever blue? ‘cause honey, to tell you the truth I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed almost never new oh, baby, how about you? well, I met you on a cold twenty-three-year-old kind of a night in that sad old town you loved me right away—or so you always say and I was broken, by someone who’d let me down and we laid down in your room, and your best friend was right next door I fell asleep still smiling, do I do that anymore? oh, and baby, how about you? do the miles of road ever get old? are you ever blue? oh, ‘cause honey, to tell you the truth I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed almost never new oh, but baby, how— baby, how about— you look like you did Irish eyes, just like a kid oh, but I feel the years tell me, do you think of me, and is your heart still here? oh, baby, how about you? do the miles of road ever get old? and are you ever blue? ‘cause honey, to tell you the truth I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed almost never new oh, but baby, how— baby, how— baby, how about you? how about you? five years ago, tonight I was not a bride, but I loved you I loved you
6.
Deadbolt 03:41
I feel locked up lately I feel left outside again sometimes insensitive and selfish combine sometimes they look like you, my friend I know how it’s structured it’s your turn again somehow sometimes you’re born a make and model the world can’t help but praise aloud but my attention doesn’t come with your privilege I make decisions based on what I feel it’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real I didn’t ask you for your ugly opinion I make decisions based on what I know it’s not a deadbolt kind of relation, but it’s how it goes I won’t win in public my voice will be the one they mock sometimes it’s easier to quiet the few than change the system for us all if we make it through this if I see you down the road next time, I hope you will remember this pause I hope you heard me in it my attention doesn’t come with your privilege I make decisions based on what I feel It’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real I didn’t ask you for your ugly opinion I make decisions based on what I know it’s not a deadbolt kind of relation, but it’s how it goes just listen just listen you’ve been talking your whole life why don’t you listen this time? see, my attention doesn’t come with your privilege I make decisions based on what I feel it’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real
7.
I send letters almost every day mixed in with the bills is some small envelope to say “hello” or “thank you” or “be mine” I’ve done it all my life I make things with my hands when I need to think a quilt for someone’s baby, or a dress made from a pink pillowcase with lace along the sides I’ve done it all my life but would you love me if I went and changed right here? gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear? I just feel so tired after all these years of being me I want to be free I have been defined by who I’ve loved it’s just as much a gift as it is also not enough I give up, then turn around and try I’ve done it all my life so would you love me if I went and changed right here? gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear? I just feel so tired after all these years of being me I want to be free would you love me if I changed my mind today? let the mess pile up while I just smiled and walked away? what if I could walk down a Las Vegas aisle to say, ”I do”? hey love, could you? I do; do you? I talk to myself when I hold guitars it happens much more often when the sky is holding stars I learn about myself each night I’ve done it all my life
8.
you’re on your own with what you need yeah, but the good news is you’ve come back to yourself your birthday comes and goes like just another day you live with scraps that say shit like, “only time will tell” (what it tells might not be enough) ‘cause it gets harder to be the martyr there are days it feels like a tired, lonely hell you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful” but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well the alcoholics wish you well you’re a child until you’re not, but there you are making decisions from a place of kid-like fear and you still expect the best from those who never show you live with lists of your own faults no one wants to hear (see, what you learn, you learn just for you) and it gets harder to be the martyr there are days it feels like a tired, lonely hell and you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful” but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well has this been hard enough yet? have I been taught enough yet? do I believe in God enough yet? has this been hard enough? has this been hard enough? ‘cause it gets harder to be the martyr there are days it feels like a private, lonely hell and you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful” but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well yeah, the alcoholics, they all wish you well
9.
Simply Said 03:00
you don’t have to hold my hand; I can move and I don’t have to take care of you you don’t have to shield my ears from the truth and I don’t have to take care of you you can be Poseidon on the ocean blue and I don’t have to take care of you you can tell somebody sweeter what to do and I don’t have to take care of you all the moves and graces all the pretty faces like old pictures of a time when handshakes were a contract and love was not a take-back and the Valentines simply said, “be mine” you can keep your secrets locked up in your room and I don’t have to take care of you you were just enough to leave the slightest bruise and I don’t have to take care of you and I don’t have to take care of you
10.
But Now I Do 03:53
where we left off, you were hostage to a bad situation you’d held onto for years your whole life up to that point you couldn’t stop choosing damage over safety and sanity, you didn’t want to hear you had the right to make a new choice you were holding yourself to impossible standards beating yourself up each time you fell taking it all in as part of you looking for ways to forgive the others trying to find the good, but never in yourself living with the pain like it was truth you didn’t know until you did, but now you do didn’t know until you did, but now you do where we left off, I was angry at myself and anyone who ever dared get close I was tired of bearing the weight then there was you, my accomplice my friend, my other, my voice and I just left, leaving you to feel betrayed you were holding yourself to impossible standards beating yourself up each time you fell taking it all in as part of you looking for ways to forgive the others trying to find the good, but never in yourself living with the pain like it was truth you didn’t know until you did, but now you do didn’t know until you did, but now you do did I never tell you you’re okay? did I never thank you, never get the chance say— stop holding yourself to impossible standards beating yourself up each time you fall taking it all in as part of you look for the ways to forgive the others try to find the good, but give it to yourself hey, you survived and that’s the truth I didn’t know until I did, but now I do I didn’t know until I did, but now I do but now I do

about

Conversations with My Other Voice is a back-and-forth between a younger version of me and me now. The idea to make the record was inspired by five songs I didn't get to record in my previous solo music chapter; I thought I'd track them and quietly release them as an EP, but when I sat down with them again, I found that I wasn't the woman who wrote them anymore. The stories had changed, and so had my feelings about them. So, I wrote five songs in response and updated the perspectives. It ended up being a set of conversations, hence the title. A memoir-in-songs. The odd-numbered songs are the original five; the even-numbered songs are their responses. Enjoy.

credits

released September 23, 2022

Produced by Buick Audra

All songs by Buick Audra
Buick Audra Music (BMI)

Band tracks engineered by Justin Francis at Sound Emporium, Nashville TN
Assistant engineering by Rachael Moore

Vocals engineered by Buick Audra at Fort Knockout, Nashville TN

"Simply Said" engineered by Jerry Roe at Fort Knockout, Nashville TN

Additional engineering by Jerry Roe and Kris Donegan

Mixed by Jerry Roe at Fort Knockout, Nashville TN
Mastered by Dan Shike at Tone and Volume Mastering, Nashville TN

Buick Audra - electric guitar and vocals
Kris Donegan - electric and acoustic guitars
Lex Price - bass
Jerry Roe - drums and percussion

Group vocals on "Simply Said by":
Buick Audra
Cynthia Cardenas
Anna Haas
Samantha Frances
Stephanie Jacques
Sally Jaye
Kat Jones
Amoretta Layne
Alicia Witt

Cover photo by Gregg Roth
Art Direction and layout by Buick Audra

THANKS: All of my love and thanks to Jerry, Kris, and Lex, without whom this album would never have happened. Thanks to Cynthia, Anna, Samantha, Stephanie, Sally, Kat, Amoretta, and Alicia for standing and singing with me on that beautiful lunar eclipse night. Thanks to Justin and Rachael for a lovely, memorable day of tracking—one that was so healing for me; and to Juanita for making me feel so welcome. Thanks to Dan for joining my team on this project and for being a great collaborator. And thanks to Jerry for not only helping me to make this happen in myriad ways, but for believing in me and my work; I am so grateful.

I also thank my younger selves for holding on, for waiting for me to hear and honor their voices, and for knowing I would come back to document the journey. I hope I have done us all proud.

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Buick Audra Nashville, Tennessee

Buick Audra is a Grammy-award-winning musician and writer living in Nashville, TN. She is the guitarist and primary songwriter and vocalist in the melodic heavy duo, Friendship Commanders. Her new album and corresponding memoir, Conversations with My Other Voice, were released on September 23rd, 2022. ... more

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