Get all 9 Buick Audra releases available on Bandcamp and save 15%.
Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of Conversations with My Other Voice, Lullaby of Loathing, Maybe I'll Fly Instead, All My Failures, Brother Blue, Genevieve, Family Album, Singer, and 1 more.
1. |
The Melody
03:40
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I think about the way I’ve been and where I went wrong
it often comes back to you
I never had the words but still I said too much
and none of it sounded true
I think about why I held on
blind faith, or maybe just fear
and what was my language trying for?
and what did you never hear?
I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last
I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh
I won’t be there where your chapters end
I won’t be there when your new ones start
no, but I’m gonna write you the melody
that’s gonna break your heart
I’ve heard it said, the voice we get is based on our past
and whether we championed ourselves
I know that mine was bitter-won from coming in last
not having anybody else
I’ve heard the best writing lives on
beyond the hand of its make
but what if that’s true of what we give
and even more, what we don’t take?
I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last
I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh
I won’t be there where your chapters end
I won’t be there when your new ones start
no, but I’m gonna write you the melody
that’s gonna break your heart
and that will have to do
oh, I’ve nothing left to prove to you
I wasn’t your first love; I won’t be your last
I won’t be thanked in your memoirs as the one who made you laugh
I won’t be there where your chapters end
I won’t be there when your new ones start
no, but I’m gonna write you the melody
that’s gonna break your heart
yes, I’m gonna write you the melody
that’s gonna break your heart
gonna break your heart
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2. |
Pocket-Sized Friend
03:05
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well, the good news flies and the bad news falls
and profanities are beneath us all
reveal nothing then cheer on demand
take it all on the chin and get up when you can
if you want to me laugh a little
you can make a request
want to cut me in half a little
you can take what is left
all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am
so that I can be your pocket-sized friend
fit into your hand
so that I can be your pocket-sized friend
fit into your hand
if there were dictionaries between me and you
we could navigate what we can’t get through
I would tell you what really happened
how the belts of this life were stretched out and then fastened
if you want to me laugh a little
you can make a request
want to cut me in half a little
you can take what is left
all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am
so that I can be your pocket-sized friend
fit into your hand
that I can be your pocket-sized friend
and fit into your hand
oh, I’ve been smaller than this at times
oh, I’ve been softer than this
and I’m still apologizing
still apologizing to myself
if you want to me laugh a little
you can make a request
want to cut me in half a little
you can take what is left
all the little ways you largely lessen who I really am
so that I can be your pocket-sized friend
fit into your hand
so that I can be your pocket-sized friend
fit into your hand
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3. |
Afraid of Flying
03:36
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I can’t take your calls
and I can’t read your writing
the snow outside just falls
maybe I can, too
I’m mad at myself (and a little bit at you)
I let myself believe
that you might really help
with the pieces still unglued
but did you hear me crying from way out there?
did you know I was trying not to be scared?
hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air
but I do it anyway
I do it anyway
I do it anyway
I had so much fight (in my old and angry life)
I would have been crazy
with a thing like this tonight
I’d have torn us both apart
but I have a kind of peace (even if this is the end)
it’s a fragile kind of lacework
that if I want to keep
I have to take care of this heart
but did you hear me crying from way out there?
did you know I was trying not to be scared?
hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air
but I do it anyway
I do it anyway
did you hear me crying from way out there?
did you know I was trying not to be scared?
hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air
but I do it anyway, I do it anyway
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4. |
From Down Here
03:08
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I don’t believe it
it’s the proverbial nonsense
you want to tell me who you think I am
why can’t you see it?
I’m not so callous and caustic
not that it’s on me to help you understand
(you had the option to sit it out)
see, it took so long to get up here
then you break us down
then you break us down
when you know it took so long to get up here
why’d you break us down?
why’d you break us down?
can you hear me from down here?
long live the critics
long live the fearful and faithful
kill all the artists brave enough to stand
and while you’re at it
make sure you tear down the women
make sure she knows she’s just a poseur and a tramp
(you had the option to shut your mouth)
see, it took so long to get up here
then you break us down
then you break us down
when you know it took so long to get up here
why’d you break us down?
so you break us down?
can you hear me from down here?
in a whisper, my words make sense
in a whisper, it’s not so tense
so you break me down?
so you break me down?
when you know it took so long to get up here
why’d you break me down?
see, you break me down
can you hear me from down here?
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5. |
Five
04:32
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five years ago, tonight
I was not a bride, but I loved you
I loved you
five years ago, today
you hadn’t heard me say that I would be true
but I think you knew
and I laid down in a room with all the girls, so wide awake
I remember thinking, “after this, well, nothing is the same”
and baby, how about you?
do the miles of road ever get old?
are you ever blue?
‘cause honey, to tell you the truth
I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed
almost never new
oh, baby, how about you?
well, I met you on a cold
twenty-three-year-old kind of a night
in that sad old town
you loved me right away—or so you always say
and I was broken, by someone who’d let me down
and we laid down in your room, and your best friend was right next door
I fell asleep still smiling, do I do that anymore?
oh, and baby, how about you?
do the miles of road ever get old?
are you ever blue?
oh, ‘cause honey, to tell you the truth
I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed
almost never new
oh, but baby, how—
baby, how about—
you look like you did
Irish eyes, just like a kid
oh, but I feel the years
tell me, do you think of me, and
is your heart still here?
oh, baby, how about you?
do the miles of road ever get old?
and are you ever blue?
‘cause honey, to tell you the truth
I’ve been feeling kind of borrowed
almost never new
oh, but baby, how—
baby, how—
baby, how about you?
how about you?
five years ago, tonight
I was not a bride, but I loved you
I loved you
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6. |
Deadbolt
03:41
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I feel locked up lately
I feel left outside again
sometimes insensitive and selfish combine
sometimes they look like you, my friend
I know how it’s structured
it’s your turn again somehow
sometimes you’re born a make and model
the world can’t help but praise aloud
but my attention doesn’t come with your privilege
I make decisions based on what I feel
it’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real
I didn’t ask you for your ugly opinion
I make decisions based on what I know
it’s not a deadbolt kind of relation, but it’s how it goes
I won’t win in public
my voice will be the one they mock
sometimes it’s easier to quiet the few
than change the system for us all
if we make it through this
if I see you down the road
next time, I hope you will remember this pause
I hope you heard me in it
my attention doesn’t come with your privilege
I make decisions based on what I feel
It’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real
I didn’t ask you for your ugly opinion
I make decisions based on what I know
it’s not a deadbolt kind of relation, but it’s how it goes
just listen
just listen
you’ve been talking your whole life
why don’t you listen this time?
see, my attention doesn’t come with your privilege
I make decisions based on what I feel
it’s not a deadbolt kind of equation, but it’s very real
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7. |
The Tendencies
03:38
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I send letters almost every day
mixed in with the bills is some small envelope to say “hello”
or “thank you” or “be mine”
I’ve done it all my life
I make things with my hands when I need to think
a quilt for someone’s baby, or a dress made from a pink pillowcase
with lace along the sides
I’ve done it all my life
but would you love me if I went and changed right here?
gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear?
I just feel so tired after all these years of being me
I want to be free
I have been defined by who I’ve loved
it’s just as much a gift as it is also not enough
I give up, then turn around and try
I’ve done it all my life
so would you love me if I went and changed right here?
gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear?
I just feel so tired after all these years of being me
I want to be free
would you love me if I changed my mind today?
let the mess pile up while I just smiled and walked away?
what if I could walk down a Las Vegas aisle to say, ”I do”?
hey love, could you?
I do; do you?
I talk to myself when I hold guitars
it happens much more often when the sky is holding stars
I learn about myself each night
I’ve done it all my life
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8. |
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you’re on your own with what you need
yeah, but the good news is you’ve come back to yourself
your birthday comes and goes like just another day
you live with scraps that say shit like, “only time will tell”
(what it tells might not be enough)
‘cause it gets harder to be the martyr
there are days it feels like a tired, lonely hell
you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful”
but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well
the alcoholics wish you well
you’re a child until you’re not, but there you are
making decisions from a place of kid-like fear
and you still expect the best from those who never show
you live with lists of your own faults no one wants to hear
(see, what you learn, you learn just for you)
and it gets harder to be the martyr
there are days it feels like a tired, lonely hell
and you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful”
but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well
has this been hard enough yet?
have I been taught enough yet?
do I believe in God enough yet?
has this been hard enough?
has this been hard enough?
‘cause it gets harder to be the martyr
there are days it feels like a private, lonely hell
and you know, “hateful” rhymes with “grateful”
but hey, the alcoholics, they all wish you well
yeah, the alcoholics, they all wish you well
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9. |
Simply Said
03:00
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you don’t have to hold my hand; I can move
and I don’t have to take care of you
you don’t have to shield my ears from the truth
and I don’t have to take care of you
you can be Poseidon on the ocean blue
and I don’t have to take care of you
you can tell somebody sweeter what to do
and I don’t have to take care of you
all the moves and graces
all the pretty faces
like old pictures of a time
when handshakes were a contract
and love was not a take-back
and the Valentines simply said, “be mine”
you can keep your secrets locked up in your room
and I don’t have to take care of you
you were just enough to leave the slightest bruise
and I don’t have to take care of you
and I don’t have to take care of you
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10. |
But Now I Do
03:53
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where we left off, you were hostage
to a bad situation you’d held onto for years
your whole life up to that point
you couldn’t stop choosing damage
over safety and sanity, you didn’t want to hear
you had the right to make a new choice
you were holding yourself to impossible standards
beating yourself up each time you fell
taking it all in as part of you
looking for ways to forgive the others
trying to find the good, but never in yourself
living with the pain like it was truth
you didn’t know until you did, but now you do
didn’t know until you did, but now you do
where we left off, I was angry
at myself and anyone who ever dared get close
I was tired of bearing the weight
then there was you, my accomplice
my friend, my other, my voice
and I just left, leaving you to feel betrayed
you were holding yourself to impossible standards
beating yourself up each time you fell
taking it all in as part of you
looking for ways to forgive the others
trying to find the good, but never in yourself
living with the pain like it was truth
you didn’t know until you did, but now you do
didn’t know until you did, but now you do
did I never tell you you’re okay?
did I never thank you, never get the chance say—
stop holding yourself to impossible standards
beating yourself up each time you fall
taking it all in as part of you
look for the ways to forgive the others
try to find the good, but give it to yourself
hey, you survived and that’s the truth
I didn’t know until I did, but now I do
I didn’t know until I did, but now I do
but now I do
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Buick Audra Nashville, Tennessee
Buick Audra is a Grammy-award-winning musician and writer living in Nashville, TN. She is the guitarist and primary songwriter and vocalist in the melodic heavy duo, Friendship Commanders. Her new album and corresponding memoir, Conversations with My Other Voice, were released on September 23rd, 2022. ... more
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