more from
Trimming The Shield Records

Unreleased Demos Vol. 1

by Buick Audra

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These are works in progress. They're not available for download, only for checking out.

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released January 30, 2012

All songs written by Buick Audra.

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Buick Audra Nashville, Tennessee

Buick Audra is a songwriter, musician, producer and engineer living in Nashville, TN. She has owned and operated Trimming The Shield Records since 2002.

She is also the guitar player for Friendship Commanders. She is a feminist, human rights advocate, and seeker of PMA.
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Track Name: simply said
you don’t have to hold my hand; I can move
and I don’t have to take care of you

you don’t have to shield my ears from the truth
and I don’t have to take care of you

you can be Poseidon on the ocean blue
and I don’t have to take care of you

you can tell somebody sweeter what to do
and I don’t have to take care of you

all the moves and graces
all the pretty faces
like old pictures of a time
when handshakes were a contract
and love was not a take-back
and the valentines simply said, “be mine”

you can keep your secrets locked up in your room
and I don’t have to take care of you

you were just enough to leave the slightest bruise
and I don’t have to take care of you.
Track Name: one speaker blown
no one’s really certain
but, I think I’m on my own
it’s late at night, here where I live
got a Marshall cab, with one speaker blown
just a Marshall cab with one speaker blown

I’m sick of writing letters
and just as sick of getting letters back
what happened to talking it all out?
I’m hanging my cassette tapes up with tacks
just hanging my cassette tapes up with tacks

guess I’m holding out for miracles
can’t do the masquerade for materials
I’m not giving up on the miracles
I’m just giving in to delirium, ‘til I find a way

tell me all your answers
and I’ll fashion questions out of painted silk
you can wear your story on your sleeve
I’ll be making coffee with milk
I’ll be at home, making coffee with milk

see, I’m holding out for miracles
can’t do the masquerade for materials
I’m not giving up on the miracles
I’m just giving in to delirium, ‘til I find a way
I’ll find a way.
Track Name: afraid of flying
I can’t take your calls
and I can’t read your writing
the snow outside just falls
maybe I can too

I’m mad at myself (and a little bit at you)
I let myself believe
that you might really help
with the pieces still unglued

but, did you hear me crying, from way out there?
and did you know I was trying not to be scared?
hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air, but I do it anyway
I do it anyway

I had so much fight (in my old and angry life)
I would have been crazy
with a thing like this tonight
I’d have torn us both apart

but I have a kind of peace (even if this is the end)
it’s a fragile kind of lace work
that if I want to keep,
I have to take care of this heart

but, did you hear me crying, from way out there?
and did you know I was trying not to be scared?
hey, I’m afraid of flying up in the air, but I do it anyway
I do it anyway.
Track Name: tonight, I cry for you
there are just too many ways to say,
”I never loved you anyway”
and you have used them all on me by now

as I’m looking back on all that time
your distance and your guarded lies
shine out all the better days somehow

I’d be crazy to return to you at all
isn’t ‘crazy’ what you always liked to call me?

so tonight, I cry for you
there were moments in between us when the harmony was true
but, when you talked to me like that
I walked away all black and blue
and for tonight, I cry for you

I remember you so young
you didn’t know which way was up
but, I knew then what I still know today

that if you wanted you could have it all
set ‘em up and watch them fall
but you’re too busy getting in your way

I was crazy about you until the last round
the prizefighter finally won and knocked his biggest champion down

so tonight, I cry for you
there were moments in between us when the harmony was true
but, when you talked to me like that
I walked away all black and blue
and for tonight, I cry for you

but, all the best to you
time for me to forget the rest of you
make no mistake
it’s sad to me, but you - you have made it end this way.
Track Name: dear Jackson Browne
dear Jackson Browne, I’ve been listening to you
when I feel down, your sweet lyrics pull me through
I can’t believe you were just sixteen when you wrote ‘These Days’
you’ve always been someone I wish I knew
yeah, you've always been someone I wish I knew

I play guitar, just enough to sing along
I had a band, we were young, but our hearts were strong
but, Mel moved away, and my brother’s doing his hard time
now it’s just me, and sometimes it feels all wrong
yeah, now it's just me, and sometimes it feels all wrong

see, I don’t talk about it much, but I’m afraid
I’m not sure that after everything I still have what it takes
so far nothing has turned out the way I planned…
but, all that aside, I’d love to shake your hand
yeah, all that aside, I’d love to shake your hand

dear Jackson Browne, would you do it all again?
do you listen to For Everyman and ever pretend
that you’re back there again, with Glenn and them, in ’73?
singing ‘bout how “the evening descends…”
just singing 'bout how “the evening descends…”

see, I don’t talk about it much, but I’m afraid
I’m not sure that after everything I still have what it takes
maybe nothing will turn out the way I planned…
but, all that aside, I’d love to shake your hand
yeah, all that aside, I’d love to shake your hand

dear Jackson Browne…
Track Name: postcard
you’ve been on my mind
in the clouds that roll
in the steady hum
of my restless soul

I don’t see your face
when I think of you
I hear melodies
so sincere and true

and here’s a picture of me
under palm trees
always smiling
isn’t life a breeze, for girls like me?

in these busy days
I hope you’re doing well
have you found a love?
your letters never tell

I just while away
this shoreline never ends
I’m filled magic and moonlight
you can ask my friends

and here’s a picture of me
glitter high heels
color film reel
isn’t life a dream, for girls like me?

is it too late?
did I say too much?
can I help you change your mind?
I know that my story is long
and honey, I know how it sounds the first time…
this ain’t my first time

hello from far away
I’m under my own stars
I’m sending ribbons of rainbows
and hand-made vinyl hearts

so here’s a picture of me
emerald city
sittin’ pretty
light and carefree
picture of me
crystal blue sea
always happy
but life’s not what it seems,
so, don’t forget about me
don’t forget me…
Track Name: coffee with a stranger
how did you know?
was I staring off again?
could you tell I’d let my heart get away, and quietly pretend,
that I’m not really here, that I’m not anywhere at all?
I’m so tired of working hard at keeping on

living alone, you wake up lonely in your bed
you don’t talk to folks about all of that music in your head
you don’t let yourself hear Joni from the fall of dusk 'til dawn
you just keep working hard at keeping on

but, tell me something… tell me something good and true
who were you then, before this path led me to you?
take my mind back to some small town where you came from
let me know that I am not the only one

well, I tried too hard
I pushed and held on way too tight
I was flawed of, course, but just so sure that I was always right
it took a broken wing to slow me down, and show me I was wrong
since then, I’m just working hard at keeping on

so tell me something… tell me something good and true
did you lose love?
was it them or was it you?
were you soul-sick?
do you regret anything you’ve done?
let me know that I am not the only one…
I need to know that I am not the only one.
Track Name: blue eyes
I was all set to go home, give up on the night
the band was still playing that sweet song, about love and life
sometimes I feel like the only one, in a room full of souls
I’ve lived with the feeling so long, it’s all that I know
I turned to quietly go

but, my blue eyes saw you
you looked away
how is it one face can take you so far
from anything you knew before?
the second I saw you, my eyes
weren’t so blue anymore

you spoke of where you were from, and your brothers back home
I smiled, but I thought of the troubles that follow my own
something inside of me wanted to be anyone else but myself
but, I never was good at the games
it’s best that I left
I drove back home in the dark

but, my blue eyes saw you
you said my name
why do some moments begin in a way
that you can’t remember the end?
my blue eyes shone bright in the dark,
I knew even then

if all days have some kind of evening
and all roads have some kind of end
where do you go when the sky turns to rose,
and you’re out there just making the bends?

now every once in a while, I still hear your guitar
it sounds the same, but these days, I don’t know where you are
somewhere outside of the lives that we live, I hope I will see you again
I never had a moment to say, you made me want to give

blue.
Track Name: tattoo of you
I’ve got a tattoo of you
it captures your likeness; the colors are impossibly true
my tattoo of you

I have a line that goes deep
outlining, defining the memories and secrets I keep
my line that goes deep

and I realize it’s a fine time to tell you this much
we could wait some more and pretend that our souls never touched
but, I have a portrait of life-long desire
no needles were needed, no ink was required
it is only my simple, inspired, handcrafted art
it’s the love in my heart

time carries on either way
carrying with it my fallen lash wishes each day
it’s a hard way to pray

you never see where I go
when you’re right there in front of me, I keep on smiling
although, I suffer with what I know

yes, I realize it’s a fine time to tell you this much
we could wait some more and pretend that our souls never touched
but, I have a portrait of life-long desire
no needles were needed, no ink was required
it is only my simple, inspired, handcrafted art
it’s the love in my heart.
Track Name: the green
I’m taking the chance that you might ever still come
but, I’m leaving the light on, in place of the sun
you were my undoing, and now I’m undone
but, I’m taking the chance that you might ever still come

I’m making a list of all the things left to do
God only knows if I can make them come true
I planted the seeds, but none of them ever grew
they just lay in the dirt with all my things left to do

I’m holding out for something
with a shallow well of faith

does your heartbeat grow back?
will it start to move so gently, after everything has passed?
like the greenest of grass
it returns to us in summer
somehow winter never seems to last

those pictures you have don’t look like who I am now
the smile in the print seems to betray me somehow
if I only knew then everything I know now
I’d have saved us the thunder, the rain, and the clouds

but it’s too late for re-writing
I’m stuck here in today

does your heartbeat grow back?
will it start to move so gently, after everything has passed?
like the greenest of grass
it returns to us in summer
somehow winter never seems to last.
Track Name: the worst part
I can’t get ahold of you all night
and I forget that thing they say
'bout "outa sight", or is it "mind"?
I know you can’t have me around
and I heard she left
they’re talkin’ in your town tonight

well, this place is just running on bad dreams
the tv makes a broken heart look cooler than it seems to me
but, I’m just one
and I just found out that I’m not any fun
he was right

but, I say, take heart
we’ve come this far
sure, it’s a mess - it really has been from the start
but, this has got to be the worst part

the summer came and left no souvenirs
unless you count the friendship that confirmed my greatest fears
but it’s alright, I have to say
I got sick of being sad
and I was kinda sick of him anyway
so I’m going back to Brooklyn with my soul
but, it won’t be long before I deal with someone at some show
I’ll do my thing, and then they’ll ask:
“What do you mean, Country music? Like Johnny Cash?”
yeah, just like Johnny Cash…

but, I say, take heart
we’ve come this far
sure, I’m a grown adult living half out of my car
but this has got to be the worst part

I say, take heart
we’ve come so far
sure, I’m a lunatic wastin’ wishes on the stars
but, this has got to be the worst part
please god, let this be the worst part.
Track Name: the tendencies
I send letters almost every day
mixed in with the bills is some small envelope to say
“hello” or “thank you” or “be mine”
I’ve done it all my life

I make things with my hands when I need to think
a quilt for someone’s baby or a dress made from a pink
pillow case with lace along the sides
I’ve done it all my life

but, would you love me if I went and changed right here?
gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear?
I just feel so tired after all these years of being me
I want to be free

I have been defined by who I’ve loved
it’s just as much a gift as it is also not enough
I give up, then turn around and try
I’ve done it all my life

so, would you love me if I went and changed right here?
gave up all the tendencies I hold so dear?
I just feel so tired after all these years of being me
I want to be free

would you love me if I changed my mind today?
let the mess pile up while I just smiled and walked away?
what if I could walk down a Las Vegas aisle to say, “I do”?
hey love, could you?
I do... do you?

I talk to myself when I hold guitars
it happens much more often when the sky is holding stars
I learn about myself each night
I’ve done it all my life.
Track Name: the pizza dream
so this is the Big Time
living on beans and rice
hoping I can make it by
to keep the lights on while I try
to get the next song down on tape
I have to narrowly escape
verbal abuse laced with polite hate
and keep my chin up, for heaven’s sake, saying:

will I ever break free?
does it matter if somebody else doesn’t like me?
am I alright with who I seem to be?
will it ever let go?
can I stand up and walk away from what I’m told?
will I be proud of who I was when I am old?

well, you can have your big stadium
and your big, fancy, crowded bus
I’m ok, alone in the van
it’s an ALL thing, you can’t understand
you can keep all your hostages
and their fucked-up mixed messages
I don’t need those voices now
I don’t need to be told how

just my broken guitar and me
in a dress made from handkerchiefs
an audience of twelve is fine
the words are a gift, they are not mine
and I love too easily
but, at least I can laugh and dream
and there’s no taking that from me

so will you ever break free?
does it matter if somebody else doesn’t like you?
are you alright with who you seem to be?
will it ever let go?
can you stand up and walk away from Fool’s Gold?
will you be proud of who you were when you are old?

so this is the Big Time
playing on Monday nights
in a town outside of town
all-you-can-eat ‘til the sun goes down
my best friend always calls at 10
so I try to be done by then
nothing has ever been so sweet
as the Big Time pizza dream.
Track Name: maybe I don't want to know
it’s a lost crusade, trying to figure it out
it’s a losing game, with way too much runnin’ around
so what if I got played, and left my heart all over town?
some say that there’s a bliss in this kind of ignorance

then my girlfriend calls, she’s up-to-here with all kinds of news
it’s on the bathroom walls, the skinny on little ol’ you
somehow it’s all my fault; I must have wanted to get used
I was happier when I knew less about my favorite mess

I hear you’re flying, then I hear you’re home
I hear you’re lying to yourself down to the bone
I’m sure they think they’re doing right, telling me your woes
but, maybe I don’t want to know
I don’t want to know

now, if I saw your face, I know exactly what I would do
I’d let the False replace the less appealing pain of True
somehow you got away with everything you wanted to
it’s all in how you look at things... maybe I did too

I hear you’re flying, then I hear you’re home
I hear you’re lying to yourself down to the bone
I’m sure they think they’re doing right, telling me your woes
but, maybe I don’t want to know
I don’t want to know.
Track Name: the damage I seek
I think I’m running out of stupid things to do
no one gets enough from me, except for you
go on and tell the people you don’t give a damn
you don’t know much about me, who I really am

you’re a little older than you ought to be
for playing silly games with little girls like me
and I should be in shackles in a cell somewhere
preventing me from ever going over there

it’s the damage I seek, the damage that keeps you around
it’s the heart of the storm that I’m chasing and you’re a dark cloud
you’re a broken machine, a fix-it-all’s dream
but baby, you’re breaking me down
it’s the damage, and only the damage, that keeps you around

ask me who I love, and how it is with him
then disregard the answer and just cheat to win
on paper you’re a traitor of the highest kind
but I light that page on fire and pretend I’m blind

it’s the damage I seek, the damage that keeps you around
it’s the heart of the storm that I’m chasing and you’re a dark cloud
you’re a broken machine, a fix-it-all’s dream
but baby, you’re breaking me down
it’s the damage, and only the damage, that keeps you around

sadly, you’re just being who you are
it’s my fault, it’s all my fault, I lower the bar…

it’s the damage I seek, the damage that keeps you around
it’s the heart of the storm that I’m chasing and you’re a dark cloud
you’re a broken machine, a fix-it-all’s dream,
but baby, you’re breaking me down
it’s the damage, and only the damage, that keeps you around.
Track Name: the break(s)
I’m breaking little things every day
cold glass and wires, and things made of clay
“practice makes perfect,” say the Lost and Deserted
so, I’m breaking little things every day

used to be two bulbs there, but now one don’t work
it was a simple accident; no one got hurt
we all get used to the circumstances we lose to
having to go without is a good way to learn

have I told you today that I love you?
have I made you feel special yet, my dear?
is your heart working the way it ought to?
has it been fractured yet by raw, unbridled fear?

the rain from my rooftop puddles and pools
outside my front door, in swirls of rusty blues
I’ve just stepped around it, every time I’ve found it
maybe I’m at peace, maybe I’m a fool

have I told you today that I love you?
have I made you feel special yet, my dear?
is your heart working the way it ought to?
has it been fractured yet by raw, unbridled fear?

I’m breaking little things every day
cold glass and wires, and things made of clay
“practice makes perfect,” say the Lost and Deserted
so, I’m breaking little things every day.
Track Name: baby, I'm a woman
you can talk about some times you've had
relationships that left you feelin' sad
go on and brag about your day-to-day
I'll sit and listen but I've gotta say

I've been here before
and you and ain't sayin' nothin' new
oh, I've been here before
I've known my share of little boys like you

my favorite word these days is "busy"
everyone fakin' like they're crazy dizzy
hop onto my cloud, let me show you what
don't wear yourself out trying to keep up

I've been here before
there's a reason you ain't seen me around
oh, I've been here before
I'm a member of The World, not this town

it took a long time, but I know who I am
I'm not a placeholder, I'm not impressed that you're with the band
you better shape it up, maybe some other girl would understand
but baby, I'm a woman, and I'm just about to make other plans

melody on left, rhythm on the right
somewhere in the middle I find time to use my mind
look it up and down, hold it in your hands
I made it all myself without the help of one small man

it took a long time, but I know who I am
I'm not a placeholder, I'm not impressed that you're with the band
you better shape it up, maybe some other girl would understand
but baby, I'm a woman, and I'm just about to make other plans
yeah, baby I'm a woman, now you'll think twice before you break our plans.
Track Name: late night heartache
hey pretty girl, I see that look of late night heartache in your eyes
hey pretty girl, don't you waste another minute - don't you cry
he'll be gone before the winter comes again
and you need to see some sunlight before then

some boys grow up to be their fathers
but some fathers never grew up at all
you know you've got to learn how to be your own mother
oh when the late night heartache comes around to call
when the late night heartache comes around to call

you gave a year, putting on your bravest face through the pouring rain
he couldn't hear anything beyond his one man show of pain
he'll be gone before the sky has a chance to fall
and you'll be left with lessons learned, but most of all...

some boys grow up to be their fathers
but some fathers never grew up at all
you know you've got to learn how to be your own mother
oh when the late night heartache comes around to call
when the late night heartache comes around to call

he pretty girl, you were all you could have been to a troubled soul
oh pretty girl, you're a flower all aglow with the light of hope
he'll remember you when he's gone away
he'll remember you and your lovely ways

some boys grow up to be their fathers
and some fathers never grow up at all
and now you've got to learn how to be your own mother
oh when the late night heartache comes around to call
when the late night heartache comes around to call.
Track Name: already gone
5:03, you’re calling me
crying 'bout how hard it is for you these days
you got caught with someone else by your ex-girl
and now you wanna talk about pain
after I told you that I loved you
after you showed me you don’t care

I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life
waiting around for you to see my face and smile
I don’t wanna love less than I might
I can’t round the corner with you here all the while
if you don’t love me after this long
there’s no leaving, I’m already gone

I believed for all these years that you just needed time
and then one day, you’d see
the woman standing next to you, who dreams for you
even when you don’t know how to dream
but after last night, I’m letting go, love
after my sleepy heart got woke up

I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life
waiting around for you to say my name and smile
I don’t wanna love less than I might
I can’t round the corner with you here all the while
if you don’t love me after this long
then, there’s no leaving, I’m already gone

you just want someone on your side
to cheer you on and build your pride
but I don’t like the way I feel
you can’t be with me; I’m too real

I don’t wanna spend the rest of my life
waiting around for you to hear my voice and smile
I don’t wanna love less than I might
I can’t round the corner with you here all the while
if you don’t love me after this long
if all this time, I’ve been getting it wrong
if you can’t tell me to stay or hold on…
then, there’s no leaving, love - I’m already gone.
Track Name: from me to you
if I wanted, I could make you feel like this
I could pretend you don't exist
and all for what? to try to beat you up?
to be on top? to make sure that you're not?

make-up and makeshift company
can never fill the hole of what you need
do you feel the weight and wonder what comes next?
will you be ok if you're not the very best?

what you don't know, I guess what you can't see
is that we are distant family
I've played the part you're trying out these days
I lost my heart and changed how I behaved
there's a lot about you that's just like me
there's a lot about you that's just like me

I sat in the corner in my own thoughts
and watched you work the room like some smooth fox
was that your dream, to make everyone smile?
no matter what - you'll go the extra mile?

everyone around you watched you glow
even all the ones you didn't know
and is that me, a stranger now to you?
you don't remember, or maybe you don't want to?

what you don't know, I guess what you can't see
is that we are distant family
I held the world while it spun in my hand
I dropped it hard and had to watch it land
there's a lot about me that's just like you
there's a lot about me that's just like you

I can be the changes that I seek
I can be the powerful, not the meek
I can love you if you walk away
I can be the change I seek today
I can be the changes that I seek
I can be the powerful, not the meek
I can love you if you walk away
I can be the change I seek today.