more from
Trimming The Shield Records

Unreleased Demos Vol. 2

by Buick Audra

/
1.
2.
03:14
3.
4.
03:46
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
11.
12.
13.
14.
03:15
15.
16.
17.
03:22
18.
19.
20.

about

These are works in progress. They're not available for download, only for checking out.

credits

released August 18, 2012

All songs written by Buick Audra

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Buick Audra Nashville, Tennessee

Buick Audra is a songwriter, musician, producer and engineer living in Nashville, TN. She has owned and operated Trimming The Shield Records since 2002.

She is also the guitar player for Friendship Commanders. She is a feminist, human rights advocate, and seeker of PMA.
... more

contact / help

Contact Buick Audra

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: the places that you go
I’m jealous of your life sometimes
but, only when I’ve lost my mind
I could never do the things that you do

smoke-filled rooms that smell like leather
everyone so cool and clever
I’m politically against it, as a rule

I want to think it’s all a magic trick
how someone sings a melody and another’s heart beat skips
I don’t want to see the backstage, after the show
and I don’t want to see the places that you go

your words have a way of disappearing
and I have a way only hearing
what it is I really want to hear

case and point: this past November
you were talking, and all I remember
was the music that was playing in my ears

I want to think it’s all a big surprise
how someone casts a wish to make a dream materialize
I don’t want to see the big machine down below
and I don’t want to see the places that you go

knowing can bring one kind of fate
ah, but believing… I’ll take believing any day

I want to think it’s all a great design
that we’re exactly where we need to be, at any given time
I don’t want to see the dark side of the road
and I don’t want to see the places that you go
I don’t want to see the big machine down below
and I don’t want to see the places that you go.
Track Name: the movies
The Comedian is always the hero
but he meets his end before the start
in some story where glory is fought for with a gun
you’ve got lost… you’re in love

but, see, I fell for Duckie in the eighties
all alone with that Smiths song in his room
I was too small to catch all the nuance of the plot
but, I became what I’m made of

because I believed in something
I couldn’t hold on to, or have in my Real Life
I want it all the way it looks up in the movies
is that alright?
is that alright…
it’s mine tonight

honey, I can’t remember all the names, now
of some masked man, or scientist-turned-god
but I’ll be right beside you, the night that it comes out
I’ll hold your hand, and follow along

because you believe in something
that you can’t hold on to, or have in your Real Life
but that’s the beauty in the magic of the movies
and, it’ll be alright…
it’ll be alright…
it’s yours tonight.
Track Name: console to counsel
lend it out to who wants it
you assume that everyone needs it
‘cuz what you got is always in demand
I don’t know... I don’t know where to enter

hand it out in the doorways
sidestep the alleys on your way home
from being always in demand
you don’t know... you don’t know where to exit

is it safe to raise a question to someone with answers?
if I don't see things just as you do, does it make us strangers?
'cuz I would give much more if it would mean that you could give less
have I confused console with counsel?

you’re giving out what you’re made of;
tough stuff that turns into tough love
and everyone in town’s got some of you now
I’m holding on to my own part:
“love, love, xo, with all my heart”
I’m waiting for when I come in again
and I don’t know... I don’t know... I don't know

is it safe to raise a question to someone with answers?
if I don't see things just as you do, does it make us strangers?
'cuz I would give much more if it would mean that you could give less
have I confused console with counsel?
is it safe to raise a question to the one with answers?
if I don't live the way that you do, does it make us strangers?
'cuz I would give much more if it would mean that you could give less
have I confused console with counsel?
have you confused console with counsel?

lend it out to who wants it
you assume that everyone needs it
‘cuz what you got is always in demand
I don’t know... I don’t know where to enter.
Track Name: pennies
lately, come hill or valley
I’m in the path of a wishing well
well, no, not really - they're all just fountains
but, I think maybe the gods can tell
if you’re tossing hopes into water
you might really need to believe

there’s a chance it could come
all the good things, all the fun
it could all really come true
so, I always throw three:
one for my own bravery
and one for silly things, like love… yes, I do
but the last one, that last penny is always for you

you should see me, since it all came down
somehow I’m happy, and standing tall
I’ve got four walls, good friends that I trust
and the sky ain’t so empty after all
I’m still knee-deep in dark water
but I’m walking on in belief

there’s a chance it could come
all the good things, all the fun
it could all really come true
so, I always throw three:
one for my own bravery
and one for silly things, like love… yes, I do
but the last one, that last penny is always for you

... that you are growing
and always knowing
that your wishes swim along with mine.
Track Name: me and my sick heart
I need today to start over right now
and there’s no one standing here to say it can’t
I’ll find a way, though I’m not quite sure how
I’m gonna get up off this floor and learn to stand

it’s so hard for me move on
while my sick heart’s telling me he was the best
in the moments that I feel strong
I see he took just what he liked and left the rest

so, I need today to start over right now
let’s give a better life a fighting chance

it’s so hard for me move on
while my sick heart’s watching movies of the past
in the moments that I feel strong
I’m so grateful all those sets weren’t built to last

yeah, I need today to start over right now
who says that 10 pm can’t be your dawn?
I’ll find a way, though I’m not quite sure how
I’m gonna keep on down that road until I’m gone

it’s so hard for me to move on
with my sick heart acting up the way it does
but I’m closing down this waiting room
cuz me and my sick heart, we’re gonna find a better love…
yeah, me and my sick heart we’re gonna find a better love.
Track Name: back in the kitchen
I'm hanging out at my sister’s house
makin’ what I can of me
I’ve had enough, picking up all the angry calls

me and Greg got a couple songs
we wrote ‘em on the inside, see
your mind runs when it’s trapped inside those walls

but, I've gotta get back in the kitchen
lord knows it’s all that’ll save my soul
never mind what I’m missing
to get down the road, I’ve gotta pay my tolls
they don’t let me forget what I owe

I’ve got a girl living at my place
she waited all that time for me
I’m not sure who she thinks I am these days

everybody in this little town
knows exactly where I was
what they don’t know, is you don’t come back the same

but now I've gotta get back in the kitchen
lord knows it’s all that’ll save my soul
never mind what I’m missing
to get down the road, I’ve gotta pay my tolls
they don’t let me forget what I owe

I’ve gotta be by the water
and somewhere I can play my drums
I want to be in San Francisco when next year comes

but now I've gotta get back in the kitchen
lord knows it’s all that’ll save my soul
never mind what I’m missing
to get down the road, I’ve gotta pay my tolls
I'm getting back in the kitchen
lord knows these mornings make me feel so old
I know exactly what I’m missing
but, to get down the road, I’ve gotta pay my tolls
they don’t let me forget what I owe.
Track Name: omissions in long distance calls
I know you don’t care, or so you like to say
it’s over and done, let the dust fall where it may
you’re not wrong, it’s been so long since those days
but somewhere in New York City, someone is still in pain

your words are no good there
your words are no good
she’ll never have faith in anyone she thought she could
it isn’t my business at all, I won’t say it’s your fault
you know I never would
but know in your heart, that from now on
your words are no good

maybe we’re both unstrung and can’t be fixed
like an acoustic guitar without the proper bridge
I don’t want to be another damaged kid
but way back in old Homestead, they did just what they did

and now, our word is no good there
our word is no good
I wonder if I’ll ever feel the way I think I should
omissions in long distance calls
don’t change the grain of the wood
I live with the shame everyday, it goes on
our word is no good

I’m gonna work on my own soul
because I want to be someone that it is safe to know

mirror, don’t spare me the truth
you are my mirror now, and I’m so scared for you
mirror, don’t spare me the truth
you are my mirror now, and I’m so scared for you.
Track Name: election year
it was an election year
when I met my true love
the night the president was named
I made a dress with chevrons
pink and red

I walked up to the lower school
and entered my opinion
I wore a sticker all day long
because I was proud to have one
that's what it said

there's something 'bout dreaming
that takes the fear away
there's something 'bout feeling
that the world could actually change

I sat in a church last week
and listened to its people
they bent and bowed with their belief
and accepted me as equal
we can learn

there's something 'bout dreaming
that takes the fear away
there's something 'bout feeling
that the world could actually change

I'll walk up to that lower school
and cast this year's opinion
I'll kick the leaves on my way way home
and smile because I like it
when they turn.
Track Name: tell your friends
I’ve been looking for a change of pace
a change of life, it seems, a change of faith
some things just don’t matter in my brain
how to do it right, their way, how to play the games I don’t play

but ooh, you make me want to try so hard
to break through my walls
ooh, they’re calling you
but tell your friends to wait…
I’m running late, but, I’m on the move

you say I’m just killing my own stride
because I run and hide away - maybe you’re right
but all I know is who I don’t want to be
just another lonely song, sung by a lonely me,
you know I don’t belong

but ooh, you make me want to try so hard
to break through my walls
ooh, they’re calling you
but tell your friends to wait…
I’m running late, but, I’m on the move

empty motions, selfish notions
get the best of me
heartless gestures, performance lectures
make a fool of the free

but ooh, you make me want to try so hard
to break through my walls
ooh, they’re calling you
but tell your friends to wait…
I’m running late, but, I’m on the move.
Track Name: back to Boston
we went back to Boston and I swear I lost my mind
something 'bout that city makes me ill
it’s like watching old home movies from the worst time in my life
where nothing grows and everyone holds still

but that aside, I owe you an apology
I really do, the missteps were all mine
and right here, I vow to never make you go back to that place
that, in all truth, is proud of ignorance and crime

all the kids in Cambridge grew up and stuck around
yeah, they all still work in bars along Mass. Ave.
I used to be one of them, yeah, I was part of that whole sound
I didn’t know to miss the things I didn’t have

but that aside, I acted like a lunatic
I really did, my default is unkind
and my dear, let’s just stay clear of any town that drinks green beer
St. Patty never was a saint of yours or mine

everyone has nicknames there, like “Sully” or “The Dazz”
you can’t just be a person with a name
I had to flee the scene with my handle still intact
I couldn’t fathom being any more the same

but that aside, I love you, and I’m sorry
I really am, I’m so glad that you’re mine
and next year, let’s fly away to some cheap tropical escape
where no one knows the meaning of “a wicked good time”

yeah, next year, we’ll be under palm trees, oh, it’ll be so nice
and they’ll be knee-high in snow, wearing Patriots logos
going to those same old shows, oh, say we’ll never go
back to Boston.
Track Name: halfway to you
hello, hear my voice
and let me take my time
I am your daughter, your only daughter
I am the child you left behind

I came up fast, always undone
she tried to raise me well
but, all the bitter talk of my father
still lingers in my head

fifteen years old, that’s all I was
I have your songs, but it’s not enough

I have a harder heart than I should
I’m always slightly on the edge
I have to learn to let it go, and I guess that you should too
I can still change, but I’m halfway to you

I went to school, and I did well
I met the true love of my life
and then your daughter, your only daughter
at twenty-six, she became somebody’s wife

fifteen years old, I lost my way
I live in fear that we’re the same

I have a harder heart than I should
I’m always slightly on the edge
I know I need to let it go, and I guess that you should too
I can still change, but I’m halfway to you

Just this once, look at me and see who I’ve become
it should comfort you, but I know it won’t
I have always hoped that you still think of me sometimes
but in deep down in my heart, I know you don’t

hello, hear my voice
they say I sound so much like you
I am your daughter, your only daughter
but I am only half way to you.
Track Name: honey, come home
of all my yesterdays,
the one that haunts me in the late night
and just won’t sit right
is the time that we parted ways
the death of potential in a hard cry
and you just said, “goodbye”

I never heard a single word of:

“Honey, come home
I can’t live this way
you’ve got a piece of me
and without it my whole heart might break
if you have to go, I just want to say
I’ll leave the door unlocked and the porch light always on
Honey, come home”

chalk it up to foolish pride
blame it on the distance we let take hold
we let our love grow old
but I drove all the way to Tennessee,
playing back the story in my crazy mind
said, “what did I just leave behind?”

I guess you didn’t want me, cuz you didn’t call me, saying:

“Honey, come home
I can’t live this way
you’ve got a piece of me
and without it my whole heart might break
if you have to go, I just want to say
I’ll leave the door unlocked and the porch light always on
Honey, come home”

home is where the sad songs play
home is where I count the days
home used to be you and me
home is where you let me leave

“Honey, come home
I can’t live this way
you’ve got a piece of me
and without it my whole heart might break
if you have to go, I just want to say
I’ll leave the door unlocked and the porch light always on
Honey, come home.”
Track Name: Cameron Crowe, thanks for nothing
nighttime rolling like a VHS you can’t rewind
crash test phoning, and now I kinda hope this is goodbye
you won’t know I’m gone until the light
you’ll come by my house and find nothing is inside

best friends, boyfriends - all characters we choose along the way
lipsticks, loose ends, and stupid things we didn’t mean to say
you don’t know you’re wrong, and maybe that’s ok
you won’t miss me long, it wasn’t written out that way

so, it’s a good thing
famous people don’t just list their home address
cuz, I’ll tell you something
I know just the man to blame for all this mess
all I wanted was boombox at the window, like that scene
it never happened, never does, and so I say:
Cameron Crowe, thanks for nothing

I’m the chick writing sad acoustic songs about some guy
somewhere way back, I lost the plot; I’m not Ione Skye
you don’t drive around, wondering why I pulled away
Lloyd Dobler wasn’t real, he was a part John Cusack played

so, it’s a good thing
famous people don’t just list their home address
cuz, I’ll tell you one thing
I know just the man to blame for all this mess
all I wanted, was Peter Gabriel to wake me from a dream
it never happened, never does, and so I say:
Cameron Crowe, thanks for nothing

I’ve been a victim of the fiction, all my life
waiting ‘round for some poor guy to get it right
just me and some-odd thousand girls who saw the film
all we wanna hear is that we can “say anything” to him

…all I wanted, was someone to love the deepest part of me
it never happened, never does, and so I say:
Cameron Crowe, thanks for nothing.
Track Name: ides
California, congratulations are in order
you have won this time around
California, from your ocean to your border
your appeal has stole the crown

and I wonder what was ever mine
do the words we speak just mark the time?
or is the secret to the mystery of love
giving up on who you were?

California, we got married in the back yard
here in Old Tennessee
California, he couldn't wait to get back to your arms
away from me

and I wonder if I took his name
would the outcome still have been the same?
or is the secret to the mystery of love
standing up for who you are?

I hope you'll understand
that I can't shake your hand
it's just another disappointment in this life
that I though we'd planned

California, I told him he should stay there
and this time, I think he will
California, you'll hear bitter things about me
it's alright, I love him still

and I wonder if he'll think of me
and the heart that we carved in our tree
I guess the secret to the mystery of love
is that sometimes - it's not enough.
Track Name: being friends with boys
I found a letter from a kid I knew back home, so long ago
I was his best friend and he always told me so
it was simpler then - we were 11 years old

a few years later, I found myself in a brand new other town
spending all my time with the guys who let me hang around
it got complicated; I should have known

he said, “what’s up… I like your voice”
how could I know that all of this would be my choice?
I traded love for a life of noise
and that’s what this girl gets for
being friends with boys

I spend my nights playing my heart out in these 30 minute sets
when I’m on the stage, it’s my one chance to forget
they’re just the guys in the band, and that’s as good as it gets

and as the days roll out with summer’s tides
I’m not the pretty one, I’m the other type
I only ever wanted someone cool like you, to be on my side
will you be on my side?

he said, “what’s up… I like your voice”
how could I know that all of this would be my choice?
I traded love for a life of noise
and that’s what this girl gets for
being friends with boys.
Track Name: the best of you and me
the afternoon’s a paler moon than I would care to see
I love it all aglow against the black
sometimes I feel the need to tell you how that’s just like me
but then I stop, and wait for you to ask
some days you do...

and it’s alright with me
I can let you be who you’re gonna be
I’m moving with the breeze
I still believe
for all the times we leave, the best of you and me
is who we’ve turned out to be

and when the water quiets down before the waves crash in
oh my heart - oh my heart
I want to sing with everything I’ve got, and have you never question why
or where it all comes from
some days you don’t...

and it’s alright with me
I can let you be who you’re gonna be
I’m moving with the breeze
I still believe
for all the times we leave, the best of you and me
is who we’ve turned out to be

go on, if you’re going
I know, there’s just no way of knowing
but can you say that you’ll be better off?
and tell me who you think you can better love?

alright with me
I can let you be who you’re gonna be
I’m moving with the breeze
I still believe
for all the times we leave, the best of you and me
we’ve turned out to be
the best of you and me.
Track Name: disaster
well, the sky came down at first
in little bits of ice
I stayed inside and watched it fall
next thing to go was the ground below
you finally split the dirt just right
and I got covered in it all

all of the past, just swirling around
felt like a quicksand, pulling me down
I was grabbing at nothing
a nothing that kept me still
all of the past, in pictures and sound
how did we get here, to where we are now?
how is it nothing?
how is our dream so ill?

it’s not you I miss
it’s the way you made me feel
but, now, it wasn’t you… no, it wasn’t you all along
when I remember this,
I have to say, “it wasn’t real”
I’m finding peace in letting go,
cuz my disaster was holding on

wasn’t as kind as I could have been
I came unraveled, yeah I know
man, I’m so sorry, that’s my fault
I felt betrayed and so done in
I had to leave you all alone
maybe we’ll both learn from the loss

all of the past, just swirling around
we were just kids, in a shitty hometown
grabbing at nothing…
a nothing that kept us still
all of the past is coming up now
all of the hurt, all the ‘where’ and the ‘how’
just a big pile of nothing
but, the nothing has kept me ill

it’s not you I miss,
it’s the way you made me feel
but, now, it wasn’t you… no, it wasn’t you all along
when I remember this,
I have to say, “it wasn’t real”
I’m finding peace in letting go,
cuz my disaster was holding on

it’s so hard… it’s so hard to say goodbye.
Track Name: if I were you
if I were you, I would never be unhappy
if I were you, I would sleep soundly at night
knowing someone out there had my interest safely in their heart
if I were you, I’d have nothing left to want for
I’d be giving it away at every turn
living in that sweet affection… not just lately, but, from the start

but, you have your sacred distance
and your freedoms wrapped around you like a shield
I may never understand your fears, my darling
cuz, if I were you, I would love someone like me

if I were you, I would write the perfect love song
if I were you, I would write it every day
out of gratitude, for having found the right words and melodies
if I were you I’d be letting go of old hurts
and getting ready for my new life to begin
I’d be heading out to board that late night one-way, to Tennessee

but, you have your sacred distance
and your freedoms wrapped around you like a shield
I may never understand your fears, my darling
cuz, if I were you, I would love someone like me

my courage comes to me by way of hardship
I’ve been fighting my whole life to be alright
but, there's no way I can give to you what I have
and there is no way I can force you to be mine

so, you can have your sacred distance
and your freedoms wrapped around you like a shield
I might never understand your fears, my darling
cuz, if I were you, I would love someone like me.
Track Name: somewhere fast and slow
build me a map for free
draw me a road that I can take out of this town
cuz they can’t make of me what I can’t make of them
it’s lonely here, and it’s loud

some cities have too much Past
to make room for Futures
no, this trip won’t last
I’m moving on to somewhere fast and slow
this steady living ain’t for me, I’ve got to go

hear all the drummers play
the train isn’t coming, but they call for it every night
right down the track with an upright bass
the magic of music made into formulas
that they memorize

some bridges were meant to burn
not simply connect all the empty turns
I’m moving on to somewhere fast and slow
this steady living ain’t for me, I’ve got to go

oh, Miami, take me back - I apologize
I was still too young, with baby’s eyes
oh, Seattle, it’s been too long, old friend
I missed my chance before, please say that we can start again…

some singers may never find home
and maybe the music comes from a need to roam…

I’m moving on to somewhere fast and slow
this steady living ain’t for me, I’ve got to go.
Track Name: bye bye, Big City
four long years, four crazy years that I spent running ‘round
never knowing what I had become
something of a sad machine, just worked into the ground
focusing on anything but love

well, you get in line and hold on tight, as it moves you into town
and when you get there, you just walk in a straight line
all the smoke and noise, the girls and boys all trying to be seen first
I bet they don’t remember exactly why

so, bye bye, Big City, you won’t see me anymore
I’ve been gone too long, and I can’t find my way back
this little mouse is gettin’ out of the rat race to wander free
Big City, you can’t have the best of me

I walked away from a promise made, from a chapter in my life
and bruised the heart of another, my dear friend
oh but, it was just an answer to the question of that time
and everything in that story had to end

now I’m walking all in circles, letting go, and getting out of line
and don’t you know, I’m fine with being last
I have peace, and I have quiet, and I’m gonna be just fine
all that chaos has it’s place back in the past

so, bye bye, Big City, you won’t see me anymore
I’ve been gone too long, and I can’t find my way back
this little mouse is gettin’ out of the rat race to wander free
Big City, you won’t miss a soul a like me
no, Big City, you won’t miss a soul like me.