more from
Trimming The Shield Records

Unreleased Demos Vol. 3

by Buick Audra

/
1.
04:18
2.
03:07
3.
4.
5.
03:28
6.
02:19
7.
8.
02:50
9.
03:27
10.
11.
12.
13.
04:07
14.
03:58
15.
16.
17.
03:31
18.
03:33
19.
20.

about

These are works in progress. They're not available for download, only for checking out.

credits

released February 20, 2013

All songs written by Buick Audra.

tags

license

all rights reserved

about

Buick Audra Nashville, Tennessee

Buick Audra is a songwriter, musician, producer and engineer living in Nashville, TN. She has owned and operated Trimming The Shield Records since 2002.

She is also the guitar player for Friendship Commanders. She is a feminist, human rights advocate, and seeker of PMA.
... more

contact / help

Contact Buick Audra

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Track Name: winter song
if I’m crying, it must be January
all beginnings come with endings, I guess
and you’re trying to punish me again
if you’re wondering if it’s working: yeah, it is

maybe I’ll be stronger yet, still
maybe I don’t have to be so sick and ill
like your secrets you love
maybe I’m above begging to be shoved off the edge
maybe I’ll fly instead

I’m older than you were at my birth
but, how am I older than you are now, here, today?
I’m just living out the story I was dealt
your decisions can’t be my own debts to pay

maybe I’ll be stronger yet, still
maybe I don’t have to be so sick and ill
like your secrets you love
maybe I’m above begging to be shoved off the edge
maybe I’ll fly instead

being full won’t keep your children fed
being quiet won’t make your words unsaid
you can be sure of that
I’m living proof of that

maybe I’ll be stronger yet, still
maybe I don’t have to be so sick and ill
like your secrets you love
maybe I’m above begging to be shoved off the edge
maybe I’ll fly instead.
Track Name: sing with me
hey friend, I know that we just met
but, I think you and I could get along
you understood when I told you how much I love that old Ted Nugent song

you know, I’m lonely for my home
I hate to do this on my own,
so, will you sing with me?

oh friend, I heard you play that there guitar and I heard 1982
my mother drove all night so we could see Chris Stein play in some town’s high school

now, all that seems so far behind
and I’m not sure what I’m trying to find,
so, you sing with me?

I don’t like to complain,
but lately I have felt so all alone
so, if you have felt the same
come on over, I’ve got Westerberg that we can learn

come on, sing with me
won't you sing with me?
I can be Hall if you'll be Oates
I've always liked "Rich Girl" the most
so, come on, sing with me

hey friend, I know that we just met
but, I think you and I could get along…
Track Name: on the flipside of shame
there's a pain in my neck and I'm naming it after you
you've got nothing I want, not a single thing I can use
and the way you treat me is like a special kind of abuse
oh, I've gotta cut you loose
there's a pain in my neck and I'm naming it after you

you like to steal my words and dance around to my melodies
you seem to like the attention, but trust me, baby - it ain't me
I wanna sing my songs and have a little bit of goddamn peace
oh, you've been hurting me
but, it ends today, and you can keep the one-part harmonies

it's a shame to part, but I need my heart
it tells me how to live
it's not yours to take, you only want to see it break
and I still have love to give - just not to you

I've been crazy, you're been crazy, we've been crazy, too
I think maybe you're a baby and I just don't like you

it's a shame to part, but I need my heart
it tells me how to live
it's not yours to take
you only want to see it break
and I still have love to give - just not to you

there's a pain in my neck and I'm naming it after you...
Track Name: the 18 year goodbye
you can’t miss me, you don’t even know me
go ahead and ask your friend there
he and I used to be close

see, I come from from a long line of disappointed people
some days I think I’m slipping in
some days I think I’ve grown

oh, you should hear my mother sing
my brother’s eyes hold everything
I love in this little world
where I am still my father’s girl

see, you don’t even know me

well, I grew up below the south
and dreamed my dreams of getting out
and I was gonna be someone, yeah
but now going home - it’s all I’m ever dreaming of

I fell in love ten thousand times
and finally made somebody mine
he thinks I’m crazy because I try
and lately I - I think he might be right

oh, you should hear your new friend sing
I used to think that everything
that I loved in a simple song
could keep my heart from loving wrong

see, you don’t even know me

hold on, to your good things
they always go too fast.
Track Name: the gossip
I went out tonight, and found out I was right
about some lie they told me
turns out a girl I know and the local told-you-so
are in love and happy
I guess it hurts me
but, it’s easy to hurt me

maybe you’ll come around, or maybe this is it:
what you’re capable of
I’ve tried every way I know, to hold on and let you go
I’m not the one you’ll ever love
and yes, it hurts me

but, when I don’t know the way
when I am small, when I’m afraid
that’s when I act like I’m alright
but, you know who I am inside
they all think I’m made of pride
I won’t tell your secrets, if you don’t tell mine

1:55 a.m., and my thoughts are on the lam
like some serial escape
I want you, then I don’t; you'll be with me, then you won’t
it’s all a high school game
but, does it hurt you?

cuz, when I don’t know the way
when I am small, when I’m afraid
that’s when I act like I’m alright
but, you know who I am inside
they all think I’m made of pride
I won’t tell your secrets, if you don’t tell mine.
Track Name: b-side
I wanna be your B-Side, B-Side
so, tell me: what’s the song? what’s the song?
if you have to be a single
then, you’ll need another half

I hear your notes, I think you’ve got a chance at something big
ooh, you’re such a "Lovesong," bound to be in the Top Ten
let’s be an import… maybe a one-off on a label in Japan
we’ll make the kids go wild, oh-oh-oh, just tell me when

I know you need to stand alone with all your fierce integrity
but if you need some sappy instrumental, why can’t it be me?

cuz, I wanna be your B-Side, B-Side
so, tell me: what’s the song? what’s the song?
if you have to be a single,
then, you’ll need another half
yeah, I wanna be your B-Side, B-Side…
something sweet, and not too long, not too long
I’ll be working on the chorus
all you have to do is "Ask"

hey there, kiddo, will you settle for a simple 45,
or do you need a bigger platform… a flashy 12”, on Rough Trade?
well, just let me know, I’m full of tunes and catchy little lines
we could buy a vintage tape machine with all the money that we’ll make

I know you said you work alone, but, oh my baby, don’t you see
"How Soon Is Now?" would be so lonesome without "Oscillate Wildly"?

B-Side
lemme be your B-Side
we’ll be classic, I swear
honey, you’re the next "I Will Dare."
Track Name: the continental divide
oh, you’ve got a hold on me today
and no amount of distraction will make it go away
you were the only one brave enough to come to my aid
now I’m all alone, driving down this road we paved

so, if we’re gonna go our ways for life
and make this a point of departure, one last time
let’s say that this crack in the earth is the line
all the rain that falls west of it is yours
what falls east of it is mine

I’m down on my knees each night, these days
‘cause if I have to do this without you, I need more strength
I was the only one who ever knew the songs your heart played
now I wonder who will listen, when you don’t know what to say

so, if we’re gonna go our ways for life
and make this a point of departure, one last time
let’s say that this crack in the earth is the line
all the rain that falls west of it is yours
what falls east of it is mine

promise that you’ll think of me, anytime you go down by the shore
I always wanted more
listen in the years to come, for songs that tell the story of our love
and you’ll know just how much you are thought of

but, if we’re gonna go our ways for life
and make this a point of departure, one last time
let’s say that this crack in the earth is the line
all the rain that falls west of it is yours
and, what falls east of it is mine

oh, you’ve got a hold on me today.
Track Name: weeds
where you going with your mouth drawn so tight?
where you going in your ring?
the come-and-get-it girls will be out tonight
acting like they came to sing

I got nothing for the table today
I got nothing for the bed
I only wrote a song that I can't yet play
the words are in my head

weeds, they grow up anyway
grow in the cold
weeds come up through the ground
they are so bold

so your father is a failure at heart
so your mother is insane
and I got no one left that claims me as theirs
I'm the last one of my name

is the question whether we can create
and keep hold of who we are?
all I know is that the coffee is cold
we all have to do our part

weeds, they grow up anyway
grow in the heat
weeds climb up to the sun
they rise to what they meet

weeds, they grow up anyway
grow beyond walls
weeds, they are wild at heart
they grow up tall.
Track Name: not much
seems like only yesterday I thought I knew it all
always being careful so that I would never fall
I worked so hard to build a life around somebody else
it took me all these years to see that someone was myself
(not me...)

I was maybe 3 or 4 when I first heard the call
and even then I knew somehow that high above it all
are the hopes we have to live a life so simple without fear
the road I took was winding, but it led me straight to this right here

and I don’t need much
no, I don’t need much
just a corner room with windows
and white linens on the bed
just the dream that’s in my heart
and the songs that fill my head
not much

now I hand-write letters to the people that I love
explaining what I let go of to finally have enough
my words go down on paper like the sun shines down on me
reminding me to give thanks that I’m given all I need
(I need...)

cuz I don’t need much
no, I don’t need much
just the memory of my true love
and the ocean late at night
just the harmonies in old love songs
that always sound just right
not much
just a corner room with windows
and white linens on the bed
just the dream that’s in my heart
and the songs that fill my head
not much.
Track Name: all dressed up (driving around)
don’t try to find me
I’m flying alone for a while, and you’re a child
anyway, what could you possibly still need from me,
more of the same?
I’m tired of hearing you whine about money, career, love and time
from now on, the hours that you waste in the night, won’t be mine

all dressed up and driving around this crazy town
where I never found any good reason
to stop for just long enough to find common ground
I got all dressed up to be let down

you’ve got a story
that reads like a screenplay from Hollywood
but, don’t be so proud
I didn’t say that I thought that made it any good
what gives you cause, to walk into this little life,
and tell me what to do?
you point out my flaws, but I’ll take it as a compliment
coming from you

you’ve got me
all dressed up and driving around this block again
and you’re still not in
why am I trying so hard to win that I’ll lie and pretend?
I got all dressed up to face the end

you think I’d have figured out loss by now
you think I’d have factored the cost, but now…
I got lost, somehow

all dressed up and driving around this crazy town
where I never found any good reason
to stop for just long enough to find common ground
I got all dressed up to be let down
all dressed up and driving around just looking for
something more than what you could give me
I know exactly what you’ll never be
I got all dressed up be set free.
Track Name: humility revisited
messages all night, hiding out on the radio
nothin’ but loose light, from a tiny crescent’s desperate glow
I feel like I’ve lost my mind; the end result of failed control
I don’t have the right to blame my shame on him, I know

so, please, help me to see what I have in this life
please, help me to get through the dark of this night
I feel like I’m without a glance to share, without a hand to hold
so, please, help me now, to keep my eyes on the road

I was born as two, but my other half is far away
I spun idled wheels, always trying to make him stay
in the vision of our life, we were born to laugh and play
it’s hard to laugh alone, while your heartbeat counts another day

so, please, help me to see what I have in this life
please, help me to get through the dark of this night
I feel like I’m without a partner here, without somebody who knows
so, please, help me now, to keep my eyes on the road

if I’m talking to myself, at least it’s a sound
it’s a comfort to speak the words, while I cover the ground
and if someone can hear me, please forgive my selfish tone
I’m just trying to make my way back, to some kind of home

so, please, help me to see what I have in this life
please, help me to get through the dark of this night
cuz I want to feel nothing but gratitude, and know that I’m never alone
so, please, help me now, to keep my eyes on the road.
Track Name: can't you sea?
I'm a mermaid, I live in the water
far below all the roar of the world
it's a peaceful existence
for such a strange mix of a girl

long ago, I was known as a pirate
who did challenge the tallest of waves
but a shipwreck would show me
my course might have led to a grave

yes, I dream of walking beside him
yes, I dream of conquering all
"can't you sea?" I'd inquire,
with desperate desire, but I knew...
he would never want the ocean blue

I'm a Pisces, I live in the water
ruled by Venus, the goddess of Love
I was never equipped for the practical life of above

now I swim with the brightest of creatures
In the rainbow our colors create
I will always remember why I had to surrender my legs

yes, I dream of walking beside him
yes, I dream of conquering all
"can't you sea?" I'd inquire,
with desperate desire, but I knew...
he would never want the ocean blue

I'm a mermaid, I live in the water
I’m a Pisces, I live in the water
I’m a dreamer, I live in the water
I’m a mermaid, I live in the water.
Track Name: daughter
when closing chapters, I always try to take time to reflect
the Ever After is over and I need to read again
you didn’t see me, there was nothing I could say or do
go on and leave me, but next time that you love, take this with you

think of your daughter
when choosing words to tell someone goodbye
think of your daughter
imagine how she’d see it through her eyes
no one is perfect
and love brings out our damages, it seems
but, think of your daughter
because someday, she will be a girl like me

North Carolina, is only down the road on 40 East
it’s all that I know of my own father now - no, we don’t speak
he doesn’t see me, and there is nothing I can say or do
it never leaves me, I’ll always struggle with that simple truth

so, think of your daughter
how would you expect someone to be?
think of your daughter
you’d want someone tell her honestly:
“no one is perfect
and love brings out our damages, it seems”
think of your daughter
I’ll wish for her what wasn’t said to me

we are just children inside
some will choose to fly,
and some will choose to hide their hearts away
I’ve made my choices in life
they are neither wrong or right,
but, I have chosen to love the ones who just can’t stay

think of your daughter
look beyond the moment, past the pride
think of your daughter
choose to tell the truth, when you could have lied
I am not perfect, and loving you was damaging, I see
but, I am someone’s daughter
and it’s time I learn to take better care of me.
Track Name: not sorry
I seem to have disappointed you
I seem to have disappointed everyone who doesn't know me well
I see that I crashed the car again
I know that it's all a mess right now
I am the last one you have to tell

but, three months passed and Dad, you know,
I've heard from you five times in all
how come you never call?
is it really such a let-down that I let myself try hard enough to fail?
and I can't make it ok?

well, it's the truth:
I'm stubborn and I'm shy
I lose faith sometimes and die inside
I get anxious and anemic
my real hair is brown; I bleach it
and I'm hungry almost all the time
I know you'd like for me to be,
but, I'm just not sorry

where do we get the roles we play?
yeah, who was in charge that fateful day
when I got "the one who wins"?
I don't believe in destinies
I can't even wrap my mind around today
much less, how it ends

so, sixteen months have passed us by
and Bo's been doing time and hanging on
is it really such a shock to you that I caved in when they put him away?
and I can't make it ok?

cuz, it's the truth:
I'm stubborn and I'm shy
I lose faith sometimes and die inside
I get anxious and anemic
my real hair is brown; I bleach it
and I'm hungry almost all the time
I know you'd like for me to be,
but, I'm just not sorry

may I suggest a change in the dynamic?
well, I elect for you to be the one who gets to handle it

I'm stubborn and I'm shy
I lose faith sometimes and die inside
I get anxious and anemic
my real hair is brown; I bleach it
and I'm hungry almost all the time
I know you'd like for me to be,
but I'm just not sorry.
Track Name: I'm like the sand
maybe it’s better off this way
you would rather be alone
it’s 3 a.m., and you’re driving home

maybe there’s nothing left to say
if that’s true, just come back here for long enough
to give me back my soul

I’m like the sand
there’s an imprint here, where there used to be a hand
I’m like the sand
you could build me up to something strong, or let me slip away
yes, you can
I’m like the sand

oh, you must have been something to see
young at heart and so alive
but that was then; you don’t show that to me

but, I hear it in the songs that you touched
somewhere deep inside of it
is the part of you that knew how to love

see, I’m like the sand
there’s an imprint here, where there used to be a hand
I’m like the sand
you can build me up to something strong, or let me slip away
yes, you can
baby, I’m like the sand

I’m going down to the water’s edge
washing myself clean of your… nothing much
that’s the danger of someone like me
you can hold me, but that ain’t enough

... like the sand
there’s an imprint here, where there used to be a hand
I’m like the sand
you can build me up to something strong, or let me wash away
yes, you can
I’m like the sand.
Track Name: something 'bout L.A.
I was in a white dress; you were wearing red
I should have been listening, but, I can’t remember what you said
something ‘bout L.A.
something ‘bout a dream
something ‘bout you that night has changed everything in me

you were at the drum kit, and I was in my mind
coming up with every reason why I shouldn’t make you mine
all I’d ever loved left, one February day
the only things I knew by heart, I thought, were Country songs and pain

but, you held my hand, and I had to hold my tongue
you taught me how the hurt could be undone
you showed me how to stay, that’s why your leaving feels so wrong
baby, I just miss you so much right now, and you ain’t even gone

I was in a white dress; you were wearing red
I should have been listening, but, I can’t remember what you said
something ‘bout L.A.
something ‘bout a dream
something ‘bout you that night has changed everything in me.
Track Name: Saturday
I’m writing you this note to tell you Saturday’s no good
I lied when I said I might be around
I have some plans that I can’t change, and even if I could
I’ve no more time for what’s not said aloud

do you intend to tell her
tell her that we talk from time to time?
do you pretend to love her
and always act like everything is fine?

I’m working on a list of the apologies I owe
to lovers past, a husband, even you
the damages go far beyond what I could ever know
but, I’m trying to correct my course to true

and I intend to tell them
tell them all I know which faults were mine
and though I always loved them
I couldn’t act like everything was fine
everything was not fine

I’m well into another’s heart, and safely there I’ll stay
after all I’ve done, and been done to
it’s a miracle to be here now; I won’t throw it away
I’m aware of how easy it is to lose

but, I intend to tell him
tell him every day that he is mine
and I intend to love him
even when everything’s not fine

so, I’m writing you this note to tell you Saturday’s no good
I lied when I said I might be around
I have some plans that I can’t change, and even if I could
I’ve no more time for what’s not said aloud.
Track Name: Sadie's song
I was once a lot like you
ten years strong, my eyes were blue
yours are green, but you know what I mean
I saw more than other kids

older sibling, by a mile
your sister makes you nuts
and it’s hard to believe, but, take this one from me
you’re gonna need her, and forget she ever did

it gets harder, and we don’t smarter
we get cloudy and unclear
so, when you get scared, and feel like no one cares
you can call me, and I'll be here
to make you laugh, and put flowers in your hair

you’ll find out about love
oh my god, wait and see
it’s a dream, but, somehow you can’t breathe
and nobody knows how the story’s gonna go
but, I can tell you for sure, it will leave you wanting more
even when it hurts… even when it hurts

it gets harder, and we don’t smarter
we get cloudy and unclear
so, when you get scared, and feel like no one cares
you can call me, I'll be here
to make you laugh, and put flowers in your hair

oh, I’ll make sense later on
the little lines from my old smiles
will tell their stories in my songs
you’ll remember back to now
that I fit into your life, but maybe not exactly how
but, that’s for later on… so much later on

one day, you’ll meet your father’s eyes
and see the child in him, but not be surprised
you have always been that wise
but, it will tell you again that you are part of him
so, be kind with your words,
cuz he is where you learned who you really are
love who you really are
you are loved.
Track Name: I'm coming around
it’s easy to lose me,
but just as easy to find
it might take a little time to see
all the ways that I shine
it’s better to show me
I don’t learn by the word
I’ve trusted and been betrayed by some
all the best that I’ve heard

it’s hard for me to be here
but, harder now to leave

so, when you’re hurt, and when you’re hiding
when you don’t know who you are, and you need reminding
just call my name and I’ll try somehow
to make it better for you, love
I’m coming around
yeah, I think I’m coming around

I don’t want to fight back
I don’t want to lie
I don’t want to hurt you out of spite
and I don’t want to cry
I just want to know you
and be a friend you can trust
I want you to follow your own road
whether gold or loose dust

it’s nothing I expected
but, something to believe

so, when you’re hurt, and when you’re hiding
when you don’t know who you are, and you need reminding
just call my name and I’ll try somehow
to make it better for you, love
I’m coming around
yeah, I think I’m coming around

give me one of your free hands
I’ll give you one of mine
nothing’s needed beyond that
I think we’ll be just fine.
Track Name: the last song
I’m so glad we didn’t know, that when you and I went home
we would never do that kind of thing again
in all the years that I had known you, all the stages we had grown through
I have never loved you more than I did then
I’m so glad we didn’t know it was the end

we were documenting “family," and the things that language can mean
but, it turned out to be just me and you alone
I remember how you held me in the wake of my dad leaving
it felt like you and I shared marrow, blood and bone
I’m so glad… I’m so glad we didn’t know

so, if I write you from my history
it’s only 'cause I need to be my own
but, I will leave you in this memory
of the time we went back to my childhood home
we had to go, to say goodbye and move along

you were filled with so much honesty
I’d never heard, and never seen that side of you before, and haven’t since
we talked about your father’s music, and how he never got to use it
you look just like him now, I guess you always did
I bet when he sees us, we’re still two little kids

then my mom surprised us all, by showing up and standing tall
when almost everybody else had let us down
she and her sister are so distant, but when any stranger listens
they won’t know the harmonies are a trickery of sound
it’s sad that you and I are also like that now

so, if I write you from my history
it’s only 'cause I need to be my own
but, I will leave you in this memory
of the time we went back to my childhood home
we had to go, to say goodbye and move along

on the drive out of our hometown, we made plans to break our own ground
we’d build a life together, never would we part
I left you at the airport and thought about how I was made for
sharing everything I had, down to my heart
it’s so crazy how a dream can fall apart

so, if I write you from my history
it’s only 'cause I need to be my own
but, I will leave you in this memory
of the time we went back to my childhood home
we had to go, to say goodbye and move along
I have to go, this is goodbye, and the last song.